Sunday, December 5, 2010

The First Christmas Joke - and it's Scottish........

A man in Calgary calls his son in Regina the day before Christmas Eve and says, "I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and i are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer", the father says. "We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Stoughton and tell her."

Frantically, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like hell they're getting divorced", she shouts, "I'll take care of this."

She calls Calgary immediately and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Done! They're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way."

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Source: LDS Living - Healthy Flying

The busiest time for airports is during the winter holidays. Germs that cause the common cold and flu are also hard at work thoughout this time. Here are five ways to fend off flu and cold germs while you fly.

1. Use the airport restroom. Airport bathrooms are cleaner than the ones on the planes, so go before you get on board. This will reduce the amount of toilet trips.

2. Moisturize your nose. Use saline nasal spray, Neosporin, or Vaseline to irrigate and moisturize the mucus membranes in and outside of your nose to protect against nosebleeds and dry cabin air. A dry nose makes it easier for germs to enter.

3. Eat yogurt. According to nutrition research, the beneficial bacteria in yogurt have a protective effect on your immune system and may reduce susceptibility to colds by 25 percent.

4. Remove contact lenses before you fly. If you don't like to fly with contact lenses, take them out in the airport bathroom. Touching your eyes is one way cold and flu viruses make their way through the tear ducts to the nasopharynx--the place where nasal passages meet the mouth and the back of the throat.

5. Travel with your own blanket and pillow. Blankets and pillows offered by airlines can harbor germs, especially cold and flu viruses.


Friday, May 7, 2010

Someone Sent Me - Share 9 "The Seed"

A successful business man was growing old and knew it was time to choose a successor to take over the business.

Instead of choosing one of his Directors or his children, he decided to do something different. He called all the young executives in his company together. He said, "It is time for me to step down and choose the next CEO. I have decided to choose one of you.

The young executives were shocked, but the boss continued. "I am going to give each one of you a SEED today - one very special SEED. I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from the seed I have given you.

I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next CEO."

One man, named Jim, was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly, told his wife the story. She helped him get a pot, soil and compost and he planted the seed.

Everyday, he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some of the other executives began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow.

Jim kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew. Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still nothing. By now, others were talking about their plants, but Jim didn't have a plant and he felt like a failure.

Six months went by -- still nothing in Jim's pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Jim didn't say anything to his colleagues, however.

He just kept watering and fertilizing the soil - He so wanted the seed to grow. A year finally went by and all the young executives of the company brought their plants to the CEO for inspection.

Jim told his wife that he wasn't going to take an empty pot. But she asked him to be honest about what happened. Jim felt sick to his stomach, it was going to be the most embarrassing moment of his life, but he knew his wife was right.

He took his empty pot to the board room. When Jim arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other executives. They were beautiful -- in all shapes and sizes. Jim put his empty pot on the floor and many of his colleagues laughed, a few felt sorry for him!

When the CEO arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted his young executives. Jim just tried to hide in the back. "My, what great plants, trees, and flowers you have grown," said the CEO.

"Today one of you will be appointed the next CEO!" All of a sudden, the CEO spotted Jim at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered the Financial Director to bring him to the front. Jim was terrified. He thought, "The CEO knows I'm a failure! Maybe he will have me fired!"

When Jim got to the front, the CEO asked him what had happened to his seed - Jim told him the story. The CEO asked everyone to sit down except Jim. He looked at Jim, and then announced to the young executives, "Behold your next Chief Executive Officer! His name is Jim!"

Jim couldn't believe it. Jim couldn't even grow his seed. "How could he be the new CEO?" the others said. Then the CEO said, "One year ago today, I gave everyone in this room a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds; they were dead - it was not possible for them to grow.

All of you, except Jim, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Jim was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the New Chief Executive Officer!"

* If you plant honesty, you will reap trust * If you plant goodness, you will reap friends * If you plant humility, you will reap greatness * If you plant perseverance, you will reap contentment * If you plant consideration, you will reap perspective * If you plant hard work, you will reap success * If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation * If you plant faith in God, you will reap a harvest. So, be careful what you plant now; it will determine what you will reap later.. "Whatever You Give To Life, Life Will Give Back To You"

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Law of the Garbage Truck

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us.

My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us.

My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly. So I asked, 'Why did you just do that?

This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!' This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck.'

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment.

As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on.

Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day.

Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, So ... Love the people who treat you right.

Pray for the ones who don't. Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!

Sent by ratna kulkarni

Friday, March 26, 2010

Someone Sent Me - Share 8

Compliment people wherever you go. Praise every single thing you see. Be a ray of sunshine to everyone you meet, and make their day better for having seen you.

Say "Thank you" at every turn. Walk, talk, think, and breathe appreciation and gratitude. When you do this, your outer life will change to reflect your inner state of being.

Source: Shared Messenge Sent by Ratna Kulkarni

Monday, March 22, 2010

Wind At Your Back #14

Mosiah 3:19

Historical Setting

King Benjamin taught his people what an angel had taught him the night before.

Doctrinal Teaching

The natural, or fallen, man is an enemy to God. By yielding to the Spirit and becoming like a child, we can overcome the natural man.

Self-Obliged Application

Show your nonmember friends that without the Holy Spirit we are in a fallen, or natural, state and are not close to God.

Personal Application

Listen to the Spirit and be more submissive, patient, and full of love, even when you may be tempted to argue with or rebel against family members.

19 For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Wind At Your Back #13

Jacob 2:18-19

Historical Setting

After the death of Nephi, the Lord instructed the prophet Jacob to go to the temple and warn the people of the consequences of their wickedness.

Doctrinal Teaching

Seek first for the things of God, and then use the riches of the world for doing good.

Self-Obliged Application

Help a nonmember appreciate the importance of the gospel in comparison to worldly riches.

Personal Application

Put your greatest effort into gaining a testimony of Christ; when you put Christ first, you will use whatever riches you may obtain to do good.

18 But before you seek for riches, seek ye for the kingdom of God.

19 And after ye have obtained a hope in Christ ye shall obtain riches, if ye seek them; and ye will seek them for the intent to do good---to clothe the naked, and to feed the hungry, and to liberate the captive, and administer relief to the sick and the afflicted.